Affirmations Don't Work And How You Can Replace Them With Directed
To Get The Results You Want
Note: The following is copyright Rex Steven Sikes, 1999. Rex
is the originator (1980) of Directed Questions.
You may see references to similar questions in other people's
literature - beware -- those are imitations! The following is
the original work!
way you feel and what you experience comes from where you focus
your attention and determines how you are going to behave. Successful
people know that you must control not only what you focus on but
how you focus . They have learned to take control of their emotions
and run their own brain -- that means taking control of what you
are picturing in your mind and how you are picturing it, what
you are saying to your self and how you are saying it. When you
get control over these things, this will allow you to determine
how you feel.
you focus, you limit your attention. If you are not focused on
success you will miss all the opportunities success brings. In
life, we get what we focus on.
this: What you focus on, you get.
who do affirmations are wasting their time because they are actually
setting up internal conflicts that cause them to activate the
opposite of what they want! When people look into the mirror and
say, "In every day and in every way, I am getting better
and better," a part of their mind comes back and says, "bull!"
Doesn't it? It is just like if I told you that you have a blue
shirt on when you actually have a red one on! I say, "nice
blue shirt" and you say, "it's not blue, it's red."
Then I say, "it's blue", and you say "no, it's
red" ... we could go on like this forever... which is exactly
what happens for most people when they do affirmations.
of engaging yourself in this confrontive struggle with yourself,
you could begin to ask yourself questions instead. Questions will
always get you an answer. Questions change what you focus on.
They get you to focus on either what is good about you, your environment,
or your behavior, or what is bad about you, your environment,
or your behavior. An affirmation in the form of a question is
300 or 400 times more effective and will literally train your
brain to translate the affirmations into your behavior.
Questions are More Powerful than Affirmations
learn quickly to move in directions. Questions direct the mind.
They divide experience and lead our attention. Questions demand
an answer. And since it is a question which our brain may not
know the answer to yet, it will search to give us an answer. If,
when we ask the question, we include more of what we want in our
life, our brain will search to provide us with those things which
we included in our question and the answer.
yourself questions is one of the greatest things you can learn
for yourself. Questions set your reality. Think about it. If I
say, "what did you do on Friday?" Where does your mind
go? It goes to look for an answer. If I say "how old are
you?" You know the answer. If I say, "what did you do
last summer?", "What is your occupation?", "Who
was your best friend when you were a child?"... You are causing
your mind to come up with an answer.
you won't have the answer right away. Sometimes you may have to
ask another question like, "gee, who was it?" You are
sending your mind in a direction.
to anthropologists, people are "meaning makers." In
other words, people will ask themselves "what does this mean
to me?", "what is in it for me?", or "what
should I do?" It is the questions we ask ourselves that create
meaning for ourselves. And you have a choice as to what exactly
those questions are going to be. Are you going to ask yourself
questions that get you bad results, like "how come I'm so
stupid?" or are you going to ask yourself questions that
get you good results like "how soon will I begin to realize
how wonderful I am?"
kinds of things you ask yourself are critical. If you say "gee,
how come I am so stupid?", your brain goes "because
when you were a child you didn't eat Wheaties, you didn't have
corn flakes, you didn't grow up right and it was your parents
fault." Or because "you are a slow learner" --
because someone told you that when you were a child. Or because
"you aren't disciplined enough", or "you have great
potential but you'll never really amount to anything"...
it might be, when you say "how come I'm like this?",
your brain will answer and it will come up with a reason no matter
how logical or illogical it is. The number one thing in our culture,
bar none is that when someone in our culture says "why"
someone says "because".
you say to yourself, "I don't understand this" or "I
don't get it" you are reinforcing anything that you do not
understand yet. You are making it much tougher on yourself . You
are impeding your learning. On the other hand, if you say, "I
wonder how soon before this begins to make sense? I wonder how
quickly before I am going to be delighted in discovering what
is new about this? I wonder how soon before I delight and amaze
myself?" you begin to send your brain in the direction that
is useful for you.
you ask yourself those questions, your brain may not come up with
the quick "because" answer because you are posing a
question to yourself that you don't yet know the answer to. Wouldn't
it be a lot more fun finding out? Wouldn't it be a lot more interesting
to think "gee, I wonder how exquisitely talented I can become?
I wonder how I can use language to do things that I never yet
before considered possible? I wonder who I am going to find that
presents a challenge and I wonder how I am going to delight and
amaze myself in overcoming that challenge and doing that in ways
that I never before thought possible?" Does that sound like
a more useful way to begin looking at the world? ... a more useful
way, a way that brings you more delight, more pleasure and speeds
up the amount of time in which you learn anything?
have told ourselves a lot of things in our lives. A lot of them
aren't even true. In Mind Design, what we want to do is
get your whole mind, your whole brain, your whole being moving
in a direction that as you move in that direction you pick up
the kind of things you want to be doing. You pick up the skills
you want to have. You practice, you use them, and you find out
how they contribute to your being, how you contribute to others,
how you move through the world with these win/win outcomes and
make your life and the lives of those around you a lot more fun!
the Mind Design program, you are going to learn a way to
ask yourself the kind of questions that get you the results you
want. To be truly successful, fulfilled and secure, you must make
a habit of asking the kinds of questions that give you power,
drive and energy. For now, I want you to commit to making a change
for yourself, commit to your goals and commit to asking yourself
a new set of questions. By doing this, you will be able to succeed
in your goals beyond your wildest expectations.
are already asking yourself questions every moment of the day.
If you say "yes, Rex, That's true" or "no Rex that
is not true"... the only way you could answer that is by
having asked yourself a question! For at least the next 21 days,
I want you to ask yourself a different set of questions first
thing every morning, before going to bed and any moment you can
throughout the day. You will want to write them down, carry them
with you, pin them up where you will see them and be reminded
to ask. Remember what you do now determines the quality of your
future. The quality of your life depends on the quality of the
questions you ask.
come I am so lucky?
Why am I so wonderful?
What new wonderful things will I discover?
How can I become thinner and enjoy the process?
I wonder in how many ways I can become better and better?
I wonder how quickly I can achieve my ideal weight?
Which sensation in my body feels the very best right now?
How quickly will I begin to learn these new skills?
How naturally and easily will I begin to pay attention to pleasant
How soon will I begin to notice with delight how happy I can become?
Questions With Others To Be More Persuasive
the same way that you ask yourself questions that direct your
mind, you can use questions to direct the mind of your customers
an clients. The mind is easily programmed and lead to make decisions
within the options that are given.
you like to order your dessert now or when you have your coffee?
Is this cash or charge?
When customers are asked "would you like a large or small coke?"
most take a small. However when asked, "would you like a large
one?" most take a large.
Do you realize how excited it is going to be when you take this
How quickly can we finish our meeting?
In how many different ways are you going to enjoy this house?